42 Dating Disasters

People, people everywhere

This date really taught me the trouble with crowds. They are noisy, loaded with alternative dating material (for both parties), and, especially when they are your date’s friends, judgmental. Gretchen is at the younger end of the HAPS range for me, but she was very open to meeting after very few conversations. There was a clear language barrier, so maybe she likes to meet people right away and see what happens. It was a very confusing set-up, made entirely over email and text, in which she might have invited me to three separate events. With the language thing, it’s always hard to know for sure. In any case, dating someone who is difficult to talk to only works in one scenario: pure, raw physical attraction.

We met up at a very large Fourth of July event. This is a complete departure from my usual setting to meet someone for the first time. She was going there with some friends, so I decided I might as well swing by to meet her. Finding someone in a large crowd like that can be pretty hard. All I had to go on was a general description of where she and her friends were sitting. Also, due to the size of the event, there was really spotty cell phone coverage. After wandering around like a complete idiot, trying to call her maybe 3-4 times, she finally called me. Oddly enough, I was looking right at her when she did.

We finally met up, but her friends had walked on ahead. The first 15 minutes of our meet-up was trying to find her friends. In case you haven’t heard, men hate to feel impotent, and I was completely powerless to help her find her friends. The whole situation was both frustrating and distracting. We chatted a bit about our day so far, talked about food (one of the universal languages)… nothing serious, and no big deal. I met her friends, who were mostly younger than her, I think. All 10 of them. That’s when she told me that she didn’t mention that a guy was meeting up with her and that she let her friends think I was a girl. Talk about feeling outnumbered and under pressure! Oh yeah, and they all spoke Gretchen’s language much better than mine. I like to think I’m not too paranoid, but I am certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the first conversation they had was about me and whether I made the cut.

Gretchen was actually supposed to leave the event early, so I was expecting maybe an hour of hanging out. Instead, she suggested we go for a walk and maybe get a drink. To be honest, I was a little surprised, since I had been unceremoniously dis-invited to an after-Fourth party which was suddenly just for the girls (this was just after the previously-mentioned “paranoia-inducing” conversation between Gretchen and her friends). On my way to meet her, I had passed a pleasantly-busy bar, so I walked there with her. She was incredibly uncomfortable with the noisy bar scene, so we ended up at a cafe where we sipped on water and juice. I felt bad for the waitress and grossly over-tipped her. Come to think of it, I should have used the bathroom there. Gretchen had some interesting stories about her work, her new career plans, and her culture. She hardly understood a word I said. Okay, I did make her laugh once or twice, but between the crowds (the big one and the 10-woman jury), her ride home being late to pick her up (very creepy to offer a ride home on a first meet, I think), and the language barrier… it was a bit awkward. I’d be willing to give it another shot, though, and see if that raw physical attraction could develop a bit. Maybe all we need is a more… intimate… setting? There’s not much time, though. Her visa expires at the end of the year!